When we first signed my oldest up for soccer at age 4, I was excited to step into my soccer mom era. I had purchased his new tiny cleats, shin guards, and the requisite 2 soccer balls, he had his official jersey with my high school number and our last name on the back. I’m a planner. I had made sure we had everything we needed for the first day and that he looked the part, and yet… we were late to the first practice. Sure, people (especially parents of small children) run late. But here’s the thing: we lived directly across the street from the soccer field… and we were consistently late for every practice for that entire season. I couldn’t understand how I kept failing to get it together to give us enough time to make it the 70 feet to the soccer field.
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So many of us have found ourselves in that place, the place where we felt stuck, panicked, and like there was no way out, or that the only way out was self-harm or even ending our own lives. I’ve been there a couple of times, and although I wouldn’t have believed you if you told me then, I’ve always found my way back to my happy, functional self, and I believe that with the right resources, anyone else can, too.
I hate that not everyone has access to the help that I’ve received, and I hope that we can make some institutional changes to remedy that. I’m lucky to have health insurance that covers my wonderful therapist as well as my antidepressant and anti-anxiety medication. I’m so fortunate to have a supportive partner who has had his own struggles with his mental health, and we love and understand each other BECAUSE of these struggles, not in spite of them. If you ever find yourself thinking that you aren’t worthy of love because of your pain, I’m here to tell you that that is completely false. You are able to both give and receive so much love because you understand those truly hard feelings, and that’s what we all need, someone who understands.
Along with being grateful for my supportive partner and family, I’m also grateful for my yoga practice and the fact that I can go to classes safely during a global pandemic and that those classes are free to me. I know most people don’t have that privilege. I encourage you, even if you don’t feel safe practicing in a studio right now or if yoga classes aren’t in your current budget, find some free classes on YouTube. Give it a shot, and see if moving and strengthening your body, letting go of tension, slowing down your breath to soothe your nerves, and focusing on what truly matters helps your mood and your overall health. I truly believe that yoga should be accessible to everyone, and I struggle with the fact that I want that, yet I’m still trying to make a living teaching the practice. I’m hoping soon to launch some classes on this site, both prerecorded and live, that can be accessed through a monthly subscription offered on a sliding scale. Please stay tuned, and stay well. I’m with you.